nomad_teacher (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} nomad_teacher) wrote,@ 2005-12-09 21:09:00 |
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I shaved...
I probably shouldn't have, and certainly not right before temperatures dropped ten degrees (from a starting point of minus ten Centigrade). But I did anyway.
I then faced off against 6 classes in 2 days, all of whom have known me for between 3 and 6 months as the bearded Barbarian teacher/invader.
So I had a little fun.
[YT] : Yours Truly
[TA] : Teaching Assistant (Reasonably English skilled Chinese assistant)
[Sx] : Student x (where x is between 1 and some number)
[S*] : All the students
*Description* : Narrative action in the class.
Thoughts
Class the first : Saturday morning, 15 early teens, potentially noisy if you get them in the right mood, but more often quiet and gloomy on a weekend morning, missing their Naruto fixes...
[YT] : "Good morning. Is this Marks Trailblazer 2 Class?"
[S1] : "........ Yes.... Mark teaches?"
[S2] : "Is Mark here?"
[TA] : *bewildered expression* Who are you?
[YT] : May the gods of over-acting take pity on your soul...
[YT] : Hello everybody. My name is Seamus. I am Marks brother. Mark has had an accident in the snow. I will teach you for 3 weeks.
[YT] : *Writes "Seamus Finnegan" on the whiteboard.*
[YT] : Do not worry. Mark will be OK. He must stay in hospital for one week. Maybe two weeks. I want to learn your names. Everybody, please tell me your name and something you like.
[YT] : *looks at random piece of paper* Apple? Is that your English name?
[TA] : Yes?
[YT] : *Inner celebrations* *Never expected to snag the TA's with this lark*
[YT] : Please introduce yourself to the class and tell us something you like that begins with A.
[TA] : My name is Apple. I like.... ummmm.... apples.
[YT] : Yeah, that won't confuse them at all. *Writes "Apple likes apples"*
[YT] : My name is Ma... *cough* My name is Seamus. I like spiders. *Writes "Seamus likes Spiders"*
[YT] : *points at first student* What is your name?
[S1] : My name is Frank. I like..... nega.... uhhhh... I like the football!
[S2 - S15] : *Produce many variants on the theme, with a few non-starters who don't get it*
45 minutes later...
[S3] : Teacher! Why are you have Mark watch?
[YT] : Dangit! Should have ditched that! Ummm. I am Marks brother. Five years ago my father gave the same watch to all his sons at christmas.
[S3] : Mark says he has the watch in univ...... in yuu. In school! I think you are....
[YT] : Ah well. The jig is up. I got a hour out of it...
[S3] : *Upset and clearly angry* I think you are take Mark watch!
[YT] : *Stunned*
[S1-S15] : *Much angry muttering and flagrant disregard for no chinese in class rules*
[YT] : *gigglefit, developing into full belly laughs*
[S1-S15] : *Not happy*
[YT] : *Covers bottom half of face with hands* *looks up at class*
[S5] : *SHOCK* YOU ARE MARK TWIN!
[S6] : *SHOCK* YOU ARE MARK!
[S1-S15] : *Raging argument for 10 minutes until I send them on their 15 minute break*
[TA] : *as the dust settles* Ummm. You are _Mark_?
Second Class : Saturday afternoon, 8 mid-teens, High level English for their age. Good enough for genuine conversation.
Note : Planned in advance with the TA on this one.
[YT] : Hello. Is this Marks Trailblazer Four class?
[S1] : Yes. Clara(Clara=TA) said Mark was sick. Is he OK?
[YT] : *Warm Fuzzies* They care...
[YT] : The school has told me he will be ok, but will not be teaching here again. He was hurt by a taxi, and will be going back to Ireland because he must stay in Hospital for several weeks.
[S1] : Oh. Ok. *returns attention to notebook*
[YT] : *Warm fuzzies freeze and fall to shatter on the floor* Ok. Lets start. I am Seamus. I am Marks brother. I do not usually teach English, but I am a teacher in Ireland, where I teach the native language, Irish. Mark gave you some homework about tenses and choosing which ones to use? Lets see it.
One grueling hour of hard labour (on the part of the students (Petty? Moi?)) later.
[YT] : Ok, Take a break. See you back here in 10 minutes.
[S2] : Fifteen minutes.
[YT] : Today ten minutes. We spent too long talking about Mark.
[S2] : *to TA* I like Mark better.
Another (not quite so grueling an) hour later.
[YT] : *Signing off students record books (comments for parents, notes on behaviour, work quality etc etc etc)*
[S1] : Why do you write Mark's name here?
[YT] : Because this is Mark's class. I am just here for a short time until regular teacher replaces Mark.
[S1] : That is not ok. You write Mark's name so parent will not know teacher has changed. You must write Shaa-nas!
[S2] : You are trying to tell lie to father or to school!
[TA] : Actually, he writes Mark, because he is Mark.
[S3] : HE IS NOT MARK. HE IS SHANES!
[YT] : I am Mark.
[S4&S5] : *Huddle and discussion*
[S3] : *really fuming now* YOU NOT MARK!
[YT] : I am Mark. I just play a joke on you.
[S3] : *ready to pop a blood vessel* IS NOT A JOKE! YOU ARE NOT MARK! YOU CHANGE TEACHERS IN MIDDLE OF SCHOOL! NO! YOU LIE! NO!
[YT] : I am Mark. Look. *covers bottom of face*
[S1, S2, S4-S8] : Uuuaaah-Weehhh?
[YT] : Bye!
[S3] : NO! YOU ARE... *interrupted by chinese from all sides*
[YT] : *Slips out before things deteriorate further*
Class C : Saturday evening, 9 High level English speakers from late teens to mid-forties.
[YT] : Hello. Is this Marks Level 12 class?
[S1] : *glance* *pause* You are Mark.
[YT] : Ah well, how did you know?
[S1] : You have Mark's boots.
Class IV : Sunday Morning. Lower English levels, 10-12 year olds
I overslept and went in with a good lesson, but not properly in character.
[YT] : *Same spiel about ice/taxis & hospital.*
[TA] : *Horrified*
[S*] : *bored*
[TA] : *slips me a note asking if Mark is really ok*
[YT] : *Slips a note back saying "I am Mark."*
[TA] : *Many dubious glances over the next 35 minutes, possibly wondering if I've snuck into the school, killed Mark and stolen his life*
[YT] : So, Rudy, tell me. My Fathers brother is my...?
[S1] : You are Mark.
[YT] : What? I am Seamus. I told you that.
[S1] : You are Mark. I am Peter.
[S2] : I'm Rudy.
[S1] : Always Mark thinks I am Rudy. You Mark.
[YT] : Doh!
last-but-one : Sunday Afternoon, 10 to 14 year olds. 18 of them. My favourite class by a country mile.
[TA] : *Not the usual TA for this class.* *Prepped with tales to tell.*
[YT] : *Same spiel about ice/taxis & hospital.*
[S*] : *Swallow it, hook line and sinker.*
*Two hours of glorious fun activities, led by Seamus, practically dancing through the class routine, fun games, interesting topics, functional English items that the kids just get and use off the bat (There's a reason these guys are my favourites)*
*class draws to a close.*
[YT] : Anybody remember, Whats my name?
[S*] : Shaynas, She Ash, Shanus, Scientist....
[YT] : Seamus? *Overemphasised questioning tone*
[S*] : Yes! Shay Mush!
[YT] : Actually, I'm Mark. *covers bottom of face with book*
[S*]
[YT] : One mississippi, two mississippis, three mississ...
[S*] : (In perfect chorus) Uuh-aaaaaahhhhh-weeeeeeh?!?!?
(A generic expression of shocked realisation I believe...)
The Finals, Sunday Evening. My Demon Class. 12 to 15 years old. I would live happily knowing I would never see any of them again. The TA is nice though.
[YT] : *Prepped, psyched and ready* *Gonna fool these snarky little buggers*
[TA] : *prepped with the story and payload*
[YT] : Hello. Is this Marks Trail....
[TA] : OH! LOOK! WHO IS THIS?!? IT CANNOT BE MARK! MARK HAS A BEARD! BUT THIS LOOKS LIKE MARK! BUT COULD THIS BE NOT MARK? IS THIS MARKS BROTHER?
[YT] : Sigh
[YT] : Moving on, lets get started. Homework books out please...
 |
I |
 |
I probably shouldn't have, and certainly not right before temperatures dropped ten degrees (from a starting point of minus ten Centigrade). But I did anyway.
I then faced off against 6 classes in 2 days, all of whom have known me for between 3 and 6 months as the bearded Barbarian teacher/invader.
So I had a little fun.
[YT] : Yours Truly
[TA] : Teaching Assistant (Reasonably English skilled Chinese assistant)
[Sx] : Student x (where x is between 1 and some number)
[S*] : All the students
*Description* : Narrative action in the class.
Thoughts
Class the first : Saturday morning, 15 early teens, potentially noisy if you get them in the right mood, but more often quiet and gloomy on a weekend morning, missing their Naruto fixes...
[YT] : "Good morning. Is this Marks Trailblazer 2 Class?"
[S1] : "........ Yes.... Mark teaches?"
[S2] : "Is Mark here?"
[TA] : *bewildered expression* Who are you?
[YT] : May the gods of over-acting take pity on your soul...
[YT] : Hello everybody. My name is Seamus. I am Marks brother. Mark has had an accident in the snow. I will teach you for 3 weeks.
[YT] : *Writes "Seamus Finnegan" on the whiteboard.*
[YT] : Do not worry. Mark will be OK. He must stay in hospital for one week. Maybe two weeks. I want to learn your names. Everybody, please tell me your name and something you like.
[YT] : *looks at random piece of paper* Apple? Is that your English name?
[TA] : Yes?
[YT] : *Inner celebrations* *Never expected to snag the TA's with this lark*
[YT] : Please introduce yourself to the class and tell us something you like that begins with A.
[TA] : My name is Apple. I like.... ummmm.... apples.
[YT] : Yeah, that won't confuse them at all. *Writes "Apple likes apples"*
[YT] : My name is Ma... *cough* My name is Seamus. I like spiders. *Writes "Seamus likes Spiders"*
[YT] : *points at first student* What is your name?
[S1] : My name is Frank. I like..... nega.... uhhhh... I like the football!
[S2 - S15] : *Produce many variants on the theme, with a few non-starters who don't get it*
45 minutes later...
[S3] : Teacher! Why are you have Mark watch?
[YT] : Dangit! Should have ditched that! Ummm. I am Marks brother. Five years ago my father gave the same watch to all his sons at christmas.
[S3] : Mark says he has the watch in univ...... in yuu. In school! I think you are....
[YT] : Ah well. The jig is up. I got a hour out of it...
[S3] : *Upset and clearly angry* I think you are take Mark watch!
[YT] : *Stunned*
[S1-S15] : *Much angry muttering and flagrant disregard for no chinese in class rules*
[YT] : *gigglefit, developing into full belly laughs*
[S1-S15] : *Not happy*
[YT] : *Covers bottom half of face with hands* *looks up at class*
[S5] : *SHOCK* YOU ARE MARK TWIN!
[S6] : *SHOCK* YOU ARE MARK!
[S1-S15] : *Raging argument for 10 minutes until I send them on their 15 minute break*
[TA] : *as the dust settles* Ummm. You are _Mark_?
Second Class : Saturday afternoon, 8 mid-teens, High level English for their age. Good enough for genuine conversation.
Note : Planned in advance with the TA on this one.
[YT] : Hello. Is this Marks Trailblazer Four class?
[S1] : Yes. Clara(Clara=TA) said Mark was sick. Is he OK?
[YT] : *Warm Fuzzies* They care...
[YT] : The school has told me he will be ok, but will not be teaching here again. He was hurt by a taxi, and will be going back to Ireland because he must stay in Hospital for several weeks.
[S1] : Oh. Ok. *returns attention to notebook*
[YT] : *Warm fuzzies freeze and fall to shatter on the floor* Ok. Lets start. I am Seamus. I am Marks brother. I do not usually teach English, but I am a teacher in Ireland, where I teach the native language, Irish. Mark gave you some homework about tenses and choosing which ones to use? Lets see it.
One grueling hour of hard labour (on the part of the students (Petty? Moi?)) later.
[YT] : Ok, Take a break. See you back here in 10 minutes.
[S2] : Fifteen minutes.
[YT] : Today ten minutes. We spent too long talking about Mark.
[S2] : *to TA* I like Mark better.
Another (not quite so grueling an) hour later.
[YT] : *Signing off students record books (comments for parents, notes on behaviour, work quality etc etc etc)*
[S1] : Why do you write Mark's name here?
[YT] : Because this is Mark's class. I am just here for a short time until regular teacher replaces Mark.
[S1] : That is not ok. You write Mark's name so parent will not know teacher has changed. You must write Shaa-nas!
[S2] : You are trying to tell lie to father or to school!
[TA] : Actually, he writes Mark, because he is Mark.
[S3] : HE IS NOT MARK. HE IS SHANES!
[YT] : I am Mark.
[S4&S5] : *Huddle and discussion*
[S3] : *really fuming now* YOU NOT MARK!
[YT] : I am Mark. I just play a joke on you.
[S3] : *ready to pop a blood vessel* IS NOT A JOKE! YOU ARE NOT MARK! YOU CHANGE TEACHERS IN MIDDLE OF SCHOOL! NO! YOU LIE! NO!
[YT] : I am Mark. Look. *covers bottom of face*
[S1, S2, S4-S8] : Uuuaaah-Weehhh?
[YT] : Bye!
[S3] : NO! YOU ARE... *interrupted by chinese from all sides*
[YT] : *Slips out before things deteriorate further*
Class C : Saturday evening, 9 High level English speakers from late teens to mid-forties.
[YT] : Hello. Is this Marks Level 12 class?
[S1] : *glance* *pause* You are Mark.
[YT] : Ah well, how did you know?
[S1] : You have Mark's boots.
Class IV : Sunday Morning. Lower English levels, 10-12 year olds
I overslept and went in with a good lesson, but not properly in character.
[YT] : *Same spiel about ice/taxis & hospital.*
[TA] : *Horrified*
[S*] : *bored*
[TA] : *slips me a note asking if Mark is really ok*
[YT] : *Slips a note back saying "I am Mark."*
[TA] : *Many dubious glances over the next 35 minutes, possibly wondering if I've snuck into the school, killed Mark and stolen his life*
[YT] : So, Rudy, tell me. My Fathers brother is my...?
[S1] : You are Mark.
[YT] : What? I am Seamus. I told you that.
[S1] : You are Mark. I am Peter.
[S2] : I'm Rudy.
[S1] : Always Mark thinks I am Rudy. You Mark.
[YT] : Doh!
last-but-one : Sunday Afternoon, 10 to 14 year olds. 18 of them. My favourite class by a country mile.
[TA] : *Not the usual TA for this class.* *Prepped with tales to tell.*
[YT] : *Same spiel about ice/taxis & hospital.*
[S*] : *Swallow it, hook line and sinker.*
*Two hours of glorious fun activities, led by Seamus, practically dancing through the class routine, fun games, interesting topics, functional English items that the kids just get and use off the bat (There's a reason these guys are my favourites)*
*class draws to a close.*
[YT] : Anybody remember, Whats my name?
[S*] : Shaynas, She Ash, Shanus, Scientist....
[YT] : Seamus? *Overemphasised questioning tone*
[S*] : Yes! Shay Mush!
[YT] : Actually, I'm Mark. *covers bottom of face with book*
[S*]
[YT] : One mississippi, two mississippis, three mississ...
[S*] : (In perfect chorus) Uuh-aaaaaahhhhh-weeeeeeh?!?!?
(A generic expression of shocked realisation I believe...)
The Finals, Sunday Evening. My Demon Class. 12 to 15 years old. I would live happily knowing I would never see any of them again. The TA is nice though.
[YT] : *Prepped, psyched and ready* *Gonna fool these snarky little buggers*
[TA] : *prepped with the story and payload*
[YT] : Hello. Is this Marks Trail....
[TA] : OH! LOOK! WHO IS THIS?!? IT CANNOT BE MARK! MARK HAS A BEARD! BUT THIS LOOKS LIKE MARK! BUT COULD THIS BE NOT MARK? IS THIS MARKS BROTHER?
[YT] : Sigh
[YT] : Moving on, lets get started. Homework books out please...
